Pretty Vacant.

August 23, 2013

Has anyone out there every experienced that feeling? You know the one where your nerves make you forget everything you know how to do, and you are left feeling like some sort of vapid clone of yourself. A clone that disconnected before your past life finished uploading. I get like that, I’ve recently started at this new salon and I swear that I get so nervous that I forget how to do hair. It’s insane!. I think it’s partly that everyone there is new to me and super talented, and partly the fact that pretty much every client is a new person to me. That combination is woefully disturbing to my skill set. When I get nervous, my brain shuts down anyway, so I’m pretty much screwed. Also, I haven’t been in a salon regularly for 2 years.

Aside from that, either I’m developing Parkinson’s disease or I am actually so nervous that I’m extremely shaky. I hope the client can’t sense it, but I know they can. I am not sure how long this will last, assuming its not the actual disease. My biggest affliction with my craft is having enough confidence in what I do to actually utilize my knowledge, and not freeze up like a dear in the headlights. I mean, I literally forgot how to hold my curling iron for a second the other day. I feel like people are thinking I am mentally challenged, and I might actually be.

I don’t necessarily have any resolve for my dilemma. I think it’s just going to be a matter of time. When I go back to Texas, and I do, every 6 weeks, to do my clients, it’s really like being back with friends. So, I can dive into my catalogue of knowledge and utilize everything without this old fear that they aren’t going to like what I do. It’s reminiscent of how I felt when I first started doing hair. It’s not entirely different, really. It still amazes me that, given my disposition, I gravitated towards this industry. I am happy that I did, of course.

I guess in the end, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I have felt really close to death a couple of times so far so we shall see. I hope none of my new clients read this….

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