Pardon me, as I hold back my vomit. The title alone makes me cringe. I picture the girl who wrote this article, she has her Coachella tickets and her fashion blog, she never misses her chance to promote peace in a picture by, you guessed it, the peace sign, along with her practiced duck lipped picture face and rehearsed picture pose. “The Haircut All Men Should Get” this article was sent to me on Facebook about 500 times with comments to follow. Girls love this haircut, guys love this haircut. Can I blame them? No, it’s a cool haircut. Can I find a reason to complain? Of course! Let’s get started….
This haircut can be very edgy. If the guy has good enough hair to rock a nice undercut, it can look really good. Reminiscent of the faded pompadours of the greasers, the collapsed Mohawks of the lazy punk rocker, the neatly combed Hitler youth, and prohibition “boardwalk empire” rebels, this haircut has edge written all over it. In it’s tamer, more accessible versions, it’s just that, tame. It’s clean cut, easy to comb into a work friendly coif. How can any man go wrong? Well, it seems like well before this viral article was written, every
asshole with hair follicles got the memo. The real question is, now that every man HAS this haircut, when can we throw it in the “played out” bin, and what’s next? Are we stuck seeing every “trendy” guy on earth who traded in his faux-hawk for what is quickly becoming the next faux-hawk?
As usual, the guys who are now wearing this have no idea what sort of history sits atop their empty noggins. My style has always been influenced by the music I listen to and the cultures I relate to (minus that whole Hitler thing). When I see this haircut, It brings these to mind. When I consider the guy wearing the haircut, it brings homicide to mind.
Where do we point the blame? Are these faded frat boys just trying to Bend it like Beckham? Have they found themselves caught up in their own Boardwalk Empire? Whatever the case, I see it far too much. And while it is a really good looking haircut, it’s tired and old. Perhaps it hasn’t reached it’s greasy pomade ladened fingers into middle America quite yet, but aren’t we supposed to be ahead of the curve here?
I’m sorry if I’ve insulted your favorite haircut, or your own hair for that matter. At the very least, we’ve all finally learned how to do a proper scissor-over-comb fade. With bearded barbers swimming in bearded clients, wanting that perfect undercut, is it going anywhere? I am honestly not sure, I’d like to think we can get a little more creative here. I recently came across this image in Metal Magazine and I think this could be a logical next step to the plight that I’ve laid before you. It still rings of the collapsed Mohawk, it’s still edgy and can be interpreted how ever you want. I like that the sides are kept tight and the length in the back is maintained. I offer this, not as a solution, it’s just an idea.
In the end, if this haircut doesn’t go anywhere, as weird as it might be, things could be worse. If we are going to be forever pigeonholed by what seems to be the ultimate mens haircut, at least it’s not a faux-hawk. I mean, it’s not a faux-hawk, right?